Today I write with a heavy heart, as I struggle through a battle. This is not only a physical battle, but a spiritual one too. Ben and I have been so excited to finally prepare for going home…Since the second surgery, the plan has been to take out the lumbar drain today, and go home tomorrow!
The good news is, the lumbar drain is out! A neurosurgeon came in earlier today and took it out. We even talked about going home tomorrow, and Ben and I just looked at each other, smiled, and gave each other the “air high five” =)
However, about 30 minutes later, the same doctor came in to talk to me. He said that he has been talking to the infectious disease doctors, and our plans for going home may be put on hold a couple more days. (You may be thinking…what’s a couple more days? But for us…that seems like an eternity. We are already on day 12, sleep deprived, and exhausted.)
But, the infectious disease doctors have been continuously taking samples of Ben’s CSF and testing for bacteria and infections. Some bacteria grew from the first culture, and they are currently treating the infection with IV antibiotics. Unfortunately, there aren’t oral antibiotics that compare or are as effective as the IV antibiotics he’s currently on. They have him on a 10 day program, which would take us to Wednesday. Now, they are exploring different options, but we may be looking at another 3 days at the hospital.
This is extremely difficult for me because I’m tired and Ben’s tired. I’m physically tired and emotionally tired. I just want to see Ben get settled in at home and for us to return to a somewhat normal lifestyle. It’s so hard to see him get more and more weak with each passing day in a hospital bed.
I also struggle, because as I try to remain positive and trust in God, we continue to have small “set backs” that prevent us from what we truly want.
I talked with my mother-in-law, Becky, earlier today and she helped me regroup and focus. She explained to me that I’m being tested and tried, and that this is a spiritual battle. She prayed with me over the phone to give me courage and strength, and though she’s not physically here, she’s been a great Godly influence from far away.
So I write today, to tell you about my struggles and my spiritual battle, but also to take a stand and let everyone know, I won’t give up. Instead, I choose to let God carry me, lead me, and prepare me for my future. I will let God lead and trust in him. Today I find peace in this scripture…
Ephesians 6: 10-20 NIV
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
I am confident that God will not give me more than I can handle, because He has promised us this. I find comfort in God’s love and peace, and I know He will give me the strength to push through this “set back.”
I will press on and fight the good fight.
just.got.carried. 
Ben and Amy, my family and I are all keeping you in our prayers! We’ve also asked the Poor Clare Sisters to say a special novena for you two. Although this is a difficult time, please do not lose heart, you’re certainly not alone ❤ If you need anything at all, we're one phone call away.
For now, just remember:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
– Philippians 4:6-7
God Bless you both. I understand how you feel. My mother was in the hospital for about 92 days. I went to Birmingham almost every other week, leaving my family behind as I wanted to be by her side. It gets so weary and so tiring. Jesus is holding you up right now. His timing is perfect. It is such a blessing that you can call your mother in law to pray together and agree in Jesus name.